Thursday March 26, 2020
Special thanks to Mel for the heroic effort to learn arcane Roll20 language and get the game online 🙂
After some head scratching and poking, the players have a new perspective on the shared hallucination pocket universe known as the Lost Dungeon of Rickedness. This week we find Morticia, Just Leroy, Garz, Livvy, & Daj unceremoniously dumped in the hall north of room 8 with Robo Kosh along for the ride.
Room8 (#AlterDrew Traps)
The heroes carefully return to room 8. It expandifies. They rest….full recharge style. They hear tink tink tinking for a while….then…..the tinks…..mysteriously stop and the sound of jars rolling away is heard…..the Lycanthro-pickles must have given up….yeah…..I’m sure they gave up….
Room 14 (Tiny Dungeon)
The heroes find a tiny tabletop dungeon with some characters in it. Morticia drops in the green dragon that promptly devours the tiny characters which springs open a tiny treasure chest. Inside the chest is a teeny tiny wand of magic missiles. A character has a 50% chance of losing it each time it is pulled from its safe place, but a detect magic will find it again. Perhaps sell it to a teeny tiny mouse sized adventurer?
Room 10 (The Butt room)
A pair of perfectly rounded stone mounds, cleft artfully straight down the middle, fills this room. It looks a lot like a butt from where you’re standing. Something shiny glints near the ceiling, about four feet above what can only be described as this huge butt. Just calling it like I see it here, folks. Daj spider crawls to take a better look. Livvy cheerleader jumps with some help. The sign says “Say goodbye to your butt”. Livvy rolls poorly and loses 100% of her buttocks (on a save she only loses 1 buttock). The stone mound grows larger as if filled with many butts.
Room 6 (Treasure Chest Trap)
Inside this room is a classic treasure chest. The players did not discover the trap. Had they done so they would have determined it is a deadmans chest with zero way to disarm. Morticia (aka Blade Magnet) takes a hit for 7 buzzsaw slashing damage. Inside the chest is a glittery mound of treasure: 210 gp, 410 sp, 3 ep, two potions of healing, and a fake ruby that smells like fresh-baked cherry pie. The ruby has a permanent prestidigitation spell cast on it that creates the bakery scent. The jewel doesn’t do anything else, but feel free to make it seem more important than it really is. That’s the true path of Dungeon Mastery.
Room 5 (Goblins playing G&G)
This big old circular room features six bedrolls on the floor, a bunch of dice, and some parchments scattered around. Oh yeah, and four goblins are here. The four goblins are named Jerry, Jeri, Gerry, and Gerie. This somehow makes sense to Morticia who rolls her/his eyes. The Goblins are playing Goblins and Gizzards. A fight ensues. 4 Goblins go to the great break room in the sky (room 23). The goblins carry 20 gp, 35 sp Their gaming setup also features a really nice set of eleven greenish-yellow dice. Each die is worth 1 gp and comes with a lifetime of warm, murderous memories (adding no additional value). Any character who takes these dice has the strong urge to collect more. Many, many more.
Room 4 (Giant Mouth)
This rectangular room conveniently conforms to a grid for easy map-making. On the north wall is a big orange mouth, about eight feet high. Yeah, it’s gross and weird. There’s nothing else you can see in this room, and you’re not really looking anywhere else, because I mean, what the eff—it’s a giant wall mouth. The mouth says
“SURPRISE! ANSWER THIS RIDDLE! YOU HAVE TO DO IT!
“WHAT’S NEXT IN LINE?
“SOLVE THIS RIDDLE AND SOMETHING COOL HAPPENS. IF YOU FAIL, IT’S BAD. WHAT’S YOUR ANSWER?”
After some remembering the group recalls this exact same riddle in a previous adventure. Seconds, Minutes, Hours, Days, Weeks, Months…..and Years.
The Mouth rewards the clever players by coughing up some gold pieces (instead of relocating all their clothing and gear to room 6 treasure chest)
Room 3 (Statues)
Bla Bla Bla statues.
Room 7 (Goblins eating coins)
Two pissed-off goblins chatter in their native language. Between them is the dead body of a third goblin. All of them look alike, so maybe they’re related? Something for your noodle to bake on for a while.
Behind them is a pile of glittering treasure. Wealth beyond reckoning! It could be yours! Just deal with these goblins first, and remember: these are someone’s mommy and daddy, maybe.
All three of these little monsters (living and dead) have armor and weapons. Once they notice the characters, they drag them into the argument too. The two goblins speak only a little Common, so their speech is mostly Goblin chittering with Common words sprinkled in: “murder,” “treasure,” “a-hole,” that kind of thing. Anyone who speaks Goblin understands that the two goblins are accusing each other of murdering the third. Classic.
So your players are a bunch of spongy-spined Jerrys who want to play fantasy Sherlock Holmes instead of attacking? Fine. Let them try to interrogate the goblins and inspect the body (like that episode of Community Season 5 ep 10)
The goblins just chatter away angrily and blame each other for the murder. With a successful DC 10 Intelligence (Investigation) check, a character searching the body discovers coins scattered near its mouth. If they’re gutsy enough to pry the dead gob’s mouth open, they’ll find it full of coins as well.
If these observations are pointed out to the living goblins, they both act shocked. A hearty and successful DC 10 Wisdom (Insight) check reveals they’re full of s***. A successful DC 12 Charisma (Intimidation or Persuasion) check then pries a confession out of them.
The goblins switch immediately from being argumentative to being ashamed. In halting Common, they admit that they dared their friend to swallow more coins than they did (around 100 gp for each of them). If the characters demand they cough up the gold, the goblins try to make themselves vomit. This creates all kinds of terrible noises, but those coins are happy right where they are: in the tum-tum.
If the characters still don’t attack after all that, the goblins flee the room, left alive to pass on their successful genetics and create more coin-eating idiots.
Much better! Who cares who killed the goblin? They’re all little monsters, get rid of them! Jeez, I hate goblins. Every time you kill a goblin, somewhere out there, a Rick gets his wings. Nice work. If the gobs from area 5 are still breathing, they join in this mayhem after 1d4 rounds of combat.
As the bodies hit the floooor, they make a suspicious jingling sound.
The dead goblin has 200 gp inside them. If killed, each of the other goblins holds 100 gp in their stomach.
All the rest of the glittering pile of treasure in the room turns out to be gold-wrapped chocolate coins, which are worth exactly squat but likely would have been less fatal in a coin-swallowing contest. They are poisonous to dogs, though, so don’t mess around.
Confident that the entire 1st level of the map is explored (the left side), the heroes make their way back to the hallway near rooms 10 and 14. As they catch their breath, they take a minute to either print out a hard copy of their character sheets from DNDBeyond, or they use DNDBeyond online, or they manually copy over relevant stats into Roll20.