The Lost Dungeon of Rickedness
Thursday May 07, 2020
This week finds Kosh, Robo-Daj, Leroy, Morticia, Livvy, and Garz in the hallway near 29
Room 29 Mimic Treasure Chest
A treasure chest sits innocently atop a pedestal in the center of an otherwise empty room. That’s it. That’s the whole room description for this one. Looks like this is just a nice reward for all your hard work.
The Heroes sneak up and keep a respectful distance away from the scary treasure chest. They scan and probe from a distance. They send a Mr Meeseeks to open the chest. He gets eaten. The Heroes kill the Mimic-chest. The Pedestal Turns into another Mimic. The Heroes kill that one. The Floor turns into ANOTHER Mimic. The Heroes kill that one too. (This Mimic’s grandfather spent 20 years masqueraded as a statue in a town square over a sewer drain. It wasn’t until the 60 foot drain got clogged with bones and debris that the townspeople figured it out. An epic battle was fought with the Statue-Mimic. The town thought to make a new statue of the Heroes, but on second thought they didn’t.) Garz finds 2 healing potions in the goop and gives them to Morticia. On the way out Livvy swings 4 times and misses at the door. Kosh destroys the door.
31. Lever Room
This room has six levers set into the far wall. Something reeeeal good definitely happens if you mess with these levers. Unless you mess with them in the wrong way. I can’t in good conscience recommend that, but I’m not here to pass judgment on your choices.
d6 Minor Doom
- Everybody currently standing in the room is now nude. Where’d your stuff go? That’s your problem now, champ. (It’s in area 6, but don’t tell them. That’s right, they have to trudge all the way back there.)
- An orange tabby cat appears. Aw, it likes you! Every 1d4 minutes, the cat grows another leg out of a random body part. Enjoy your upcoming nightmares.
- The character in the room who’s currently annoying you the most turns completely inside out. It hurts a lot but doesn’t kill them. They feel this horrific transformation in every molecule of their being. Moving the levers to their previous position restores the character to normal.
- A scepter materializes on the ground. A cheap paper tag tied to one of its bulbous ends calls it “The Scepter of F***ery.” If anyone touches it, tell them it’s spooookily cold. That’s it. It’s not magic and has no special properties besides being vaguely ominous.
- Everyone standing in the room is teleported onto the ceiling, then falls back to the floor, taking 3 (1d6) bludgeoning damage. Gravity! She’s a fickle mistress.
- A ficus appears. No, that’s not a new monster. It’s a legit house plant, set up all neat in a pot. It doesn’t do anything special unless the characters try to leave the room without it—in which case it screams, “Don’t leave me here!”
As I recall. Some Brave Meeseeks were spent to flip the levers. Kosh got dropped from the ceiling and flipped inside out and outside in. A needy plant and a cat with infinity legs was left in the room. The Heroes obtained the Scepter of *****ery.
23. Employee break room and broken infomercial theater
This is one of those rooms that’s probably a lot bigger on the inside than it looks on the map. Cartographers, am I right? Anyway, read this:
A long, empty table appears to be the star of some bizarre spectacle in this room. Bright lights shine down on it, and just visible past the table are rows and rows of creatures staring at it with eager anticipation.
You’ve barely set foot in the room before you’re blinded by a bright light and deafened by the sound of a raging river. Or wait … is that … applause? The room is filled with twelve goblins, eight bugbears, six orcs, and five zombies who are on break from guarding the dungeon, and they’re unwinding by watching the show.
It takes your eyes a moment to adjust, but you soon find yourself squinting into a magic spotlight hanging over rows of enthusiastic monsters. Their faces are masks of delight and relief. A hobgoblin beckons you to join her in the middle of the room.
Spawn Sword Ship Hour is full of people performing commercials for products nobody needs—least of all monsters guarding a dungeon. The show’s intended special guests bailed on Cla’a’a’arg, so the characters need to fill in.
d4 Wondrous Ware
- A pair of finger-thick, rubbery antennae swing from a rippled sheet of plastic. When you trace your finger on the plastic, a sigil glows brightly, and a material version of that same sigil appears. The material manifestation is made of a dense, flavorless foam.
- A large, pill-shaped metal object, crisscrossed with straps of black leather, opens to reveal three smooth suede sausages. Each sausage emits a groaning sound at a slightly different pitch when pressed.
- A complex metal framework adorns a pair of thick goggles that, when worn, show people’s faces with the noses and mouths switched. After you take them off, you feel as though your nose and your mouth have been switched on your own face for 5 minutes, even though they’re not.
- A long, curved piece of blown glass with large knobs on either end gleams with an inner light. If it is slid down the length of your leg, it instantly conjures up a pair of pants that would fit a doll.
As I recall. Moticia sold #1. Leroy sold #2. Kosh the wonder bear sold #3. Garz sold #4. The Heroes made their pitches. 2 succeeded, 2 failed. The audience loved it and threw money at them. The Heroes got to keep the products.